I recently came across a blog by Simply Delicious Lingerie commenting on a co-workers experience of online dating. You can read the full posting by clicking the link above but for those short of time i’ll give you a quick summary:
The woman (a mother of four) had a “very honest profile” on the dating site and arranged a meeting with a guy who’s profile description isn’t mentioned but who is portrayed as being someone who thinks he is hot. He posted pictures of himself with no shirt on to prove it! On meeting at a restaurant the meal was cut short by the guy who abruptly left stating that he didn’t think it would work out because the woman was “just average”.
Obviously the woman was deeply offended by this and for the most part the blogger commenting on the event is correct in that the guy should have been more respectful. The reason this blog has intrigued me is not because of the way the girl was treated but by the subsequent advice the blogger provides to men and to women.
Most of the advice to men seems pretty sensible, be respectful, buy gifts, make women feel appreciated etc. All great advice but the advice she provides to her majority female audience is just baffling to me, particularly the sentences “if you expect a man to treat you with respect you first must respect yourself, NEVER EVER EVER let a man in your britches on the first date. I don’t care how hot he is or what song and dance he has given you. If you do, he’ll see you as easy, and he will probably think that you do this to every man you date and he’ll find every excuse in the book not to see you again without hurting your feelings.”
Can it be true in the 21st Century that all women who sleep with someone on the first date have no respect for themselves? If we have sex on the first night, do all us guys say to ourselves “Yuck, what a complete ho she must be!”. The answer of course is NO. Some women have no respect for themselves as is true with some men. Some men think that women that sleep with them on the first night are great. Some men do feel disgust at women who sleep with them on the first night and that may be the reason they never call again. However, some men don’t call because the sex was crap, or because they were lying when they told you they were single. Some men don’t call because they are embarrassed as they cant quite remember your name or didn’t think they performed adequatley or are now more shy because the alcohol has worn off. Some men lose numbers and others are just complete assholes who do this every night of the week.
However, I am pretty sure there is one thing consistent amongst all men… None have a minimum number of dates rule before they will have sex. Am I wrong? There’s a reason why they say Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Everyone is different and none are more different than men and women particular when it comes to this subject. Therefore i have advice that is useful to both men and women:
- Assume everyone is lying to some extent in the world of online dating – or if not consciously lying be aware that how people see themselves is different to how other people see them.
- Do not make up crazy rules i.e. I will only sleep with this person after 3 dates. Judge the situation and the person like an adult and make your decision based on reason. For example, sleep with someone when it feels right and be aware this can be at any time and that this can end well or it can end badly. Part of being an adult is being able to live with the decisions we make.
- Be aware that people form opinions of each other based on many factors. This can include how we behave, what we say and how we perform intimatley. Therefore, don’t assume you have been “used” if someone doesn’t call you after having sex. There could be many explanations.
The key to online dating as with any type of dating is to treat people like as you would like to be treated yourself. The original posting may be called ‘How to Treat a Women’ but respect should be a mutual thing and applies equally to men and women.