Online Dating… How to Treat a Woman

I recently came across a blog by Simply Delicious Lingerie commenting on a co-workers experience of online dating. You can read the full posting by clicking the link above but for those short of time i’ll give you a quick summary:

The woman (a mother of four) had a “very honest profile” on the dating site and arranged a meeting with a guy who’s profile description isn’t mentioned but who is portrayed as being someone who thinks he is hot. He posted pictures of himself with no shirt on to prove it! On meeting at a restaurant the meal was cut short by the guy who abruptly left stating that he didn’t think it would work out because the woman was “just average”.

Obviously the woman was deeply offended by this and for the most part the blogger commenting on the event is correct in that the guy should have been more respectful. The reason this blog has intrigued me is not because of the way the girl was treated but by the subsequent advice the blogger provides to men and to women.

Most of the advice to men seems pretty sensible, be respectful, buy gifts, make women feel appreciated etc. All great advice but the advice she provides to her majority female audience is just baffling to me, particularly the sentences “if you expect a man to treat you with respect you first must respect yourself, NEVER EVER EVER let a man in your britches on the first date. I don’t care how hot he is or what song and dance he has given you. If you do, he’ll see you as easy, and he will probably think that you do this to every man you date and he’ll find every excuse in the book not to see you again without hurting your feelings.”

Can it be true in the 21st Century that all women who sleep with someone on the first date have no respect for themselves? If we have sex on the first night, do all us guys say to ourselves “Yuck, what a complete ho she must be!”. The answer of course is NO. Some women have no respect for themselves as is true with some men. Some men think that women that sleep with them on the first night are great. Some men do feel disgust at women who sleep with them on the first night and that may be the reason they never call again. However, some men don’t call because the sex was crap, or because they were lying when they told you they were single. Some men don’t call because they are embarrassed as they cant quite remember your name or didn’t think they performed adequatley or are now more shy because the alcohol has worn off. Some men lose numbers and others are just complete assholes who do this every night of the week.

However, I am pretty sure there is one thing consistent amongst all men… None have a minimum number of dates rule before they will have sex. Am I wrong? There’s a reason why they say Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Everyone is different and none are more different than men and women particular when it comes to this subject. Therefore i have advice that is useful to both men and women:

  1. Assume everyone is lying to some extent in the world of online dating – or if not consciously lying be aware that how people see themselves is different to how other people see them.
  2. Do not make up crazy rules i.e. I will only sleep with this person after 3 dates. Judge the situation and the person like an adult and make your decision based on reason. For example, sleep with someone when it feels right and be aware this can be at any time and that this can end well or it can end badly. Part of being an adult is being able to live with the decisions we make.
  3. Be aware that people form opinions of each other based on many factors. This can include how we behave, what we say and how we perform intimatley. Therefore, don’t assume you have been “used” if someone doesn’t call you after having sex. There could be many explanations.

The key to online dating as with any type of dating is to treat people like as you would like to be treated yourself. The original posting may be called ‘How to  Treat a Women’ but respect should be a mutual thing and applies equally to men and women.

 

Stewart Reeder

 

 

 

 

Posted in ECommerce, Gift Advice, Lingerie, online dating, ShyGuy Lingerie, Uk Lingerie Awards | 4 Comments

Recognition… We all love recognition!

The comedian and actor Bill Murray once said “Awards are meaningless to me, and I have nothing but disdain for anyone who actively campaigns to get one”. This doesn’t stop him attending a whole host of award ceremonies including the Academy Awards. The simple truth is that everyone likes recognition.

Many companies have reward and recognition programmes to motivate and reward workers. Almost all industries have award ceremonies to recognise achievement in a given field and the Lingerie industry is no different. However, what we consider so important in every company or industry to motivate and improve performance is completely lacking when it comes to relationships. There are no award ceremonies where we sit in a luxurious room whilst our ex and current partners present us with accolades for being the ‘Best Boyfriend’ or ‘Most Considerate Husband’ in a given age bracket. In fact the idea sounds quite preposterous.

When it comes to our “other halves” many of us are so preoccupied with the daily struggle of working and making ends meet that recognition is limited to a grunting enquiry as to “whats for dinner?” and the perpetual presentation of an upright toilet seat. Sound familiar? Recognition doesn’t have to be a black tie event and the award doesn’t have to be an Oscar statuette. Recognition can come in many forms such as listening more and saying “thank you”.

The reason I bring this up is because Shy Guy Lingerie has been nominated for an award. We are nominated for “Favourite Lingerie Retailer” at the UK Lingerie Awards 2012 and unlike many of the award categories this is a public vote where YOU get to choose the winner. This obviously means a lot to me and the entire team at Shy Guy Lingerie and I wanted to say thank you for taking the time to vote for us. We will continue to listen to your comments and feedback and deliver on our commitment not to take you, our valued customer, for granted but to provide you with the very best product and service.

If you would like to to vote for us and haven’t already, please do so here: http://www.uklingerieawards.com/vote-for-your-favourites/

Thanks Again

Stewart Reeder

Posted in ECommerce, Gift Advice, Lingerie, ShyGuy Lingerie, Uk Lingerie Awards | Tagged | Leave a comment

Don’t Disappoint… Smell What Sells!

I’m a big fan of the television show, The Apprentice. A couple of weeks ago Lord Sugar asked the candidates to set-up a stall to sell items they purchased from a local cash and carry. He gave them a very small amount of money. Once they identified what sold they could go back to replenish stocks of that item to again resell. This cycle could continue for as long as both time and the demand allowed. The team that made the most money would win.

To many this would appear to be a very simple task. However, one team completely missed the point and on return to the cash and carry got carried away with “the shopping” aspect and subsequently lost the task.

Buying a gift for our girlfriend, wife or partner would also seem like a simple task. We spend a huge amount of time with them, we are exposed to their likes and dislikes and are also exposed to their not so subtle hints. Yet, undoubtedly many get it very very wrong.

Attics, spare rooms and dustbins have all been littered with items that should never have been considered let alone purchased and presented as gifts. At ShyGuy Lingerie we sell lingerie that women love to wear and we assist you with the purchasing process in a way that no one else does. We try to make you think about the gift selection based on things you know about the intended recipient or can find out. It’s our way of helping you ‘Smell What Sells’ to ensure you get it right.

Stewart Reeder

Posted in ECommerce, Gift Advice, Lingerie | Leave a comment

If Love is Blind… Why is Lingerie So Popular?

Samantha Brick, a journalist for the Daily Mail, recently became a household name as a result of a controversial article she wrote. To summarise she stated that most females don’t like her because they find her too attractive and that most men find her so attractive that they lavish attention and gifts on her. Strangers walk up to her and buy her train tickets in fact, which to me was the strangest example of affection I have heard of. Samantha had obviously never heard the saying “Love is Blind”. The article caused a global sensation and gave Samantha more publicity than she deserved.

After defending her article she compounded the problem by appearing on a number of chat shows to explain why she wrote the article. A huge backlash ensued with the world uniting in its disbelief that someone could be so arrogant and deluded.

Whilst Samantha is obviously deranged and not in possession of a mirror, the article has made me think about attraction, confidence and generalisations. Samantha generalised that all men find her attractive and that all women are jealous of her as a result. This has engendered a sense of over-confidence and a misinterpretation of reality.

Unfortunately love isn’t blind, it has 20/20 vision. However, what people find attractive is very individual and not something that can be generalised about. Being found attractive in turn engenders confidence. This may not be the sort of confidence that allows you to present in front of a large audience or write an article in a national paper telling the country that all women hate you because you are so attractive. Instead it could be the confidence that transforms you in other ways.

The point gentlemen is that the reason you find your ‘significant other’ attractive may be hidden from the rest of us but she shouldn’t be blind to it. Demonstrating that you still find her attractive by giving her the gift of lingerie for example may give her that confidence boost that provides all sorts of unexpected benefits… Just don’t let her near the typewriter.

Stewart Reeder

Posted in ECommerce, Lingerie | Leave a comment

No.. No.. I’m not a pervert I’m in the Lingerie Business!

Lingerie is a power-house of an industry. It is estimated to be worth $30.7 Billion in 2012. Although this may be a fraction of the estimated value of the Technology industry. The two industries have many similarities.

Technology has many famous faces such as Bill Gates, Larry Ellison and the late Steve Jobs to name a few. Lingerie too has household names, such as, Elle MacPherson, Michelle Mone OBE and Theo Paphitis.

Both industries have trade shows and trade journals. They both demonstrate the latest products at spectacular showcase events and they both have award ceremonies.

Just as people in the technology industry use specific terms that seem alien to some, such as, ‘bit-rate’ and ‘kilobyte’. Lingerie too has its own vocabulary. Where else do you hear the terms, ‘balconette’ and ‘tanga’.

As you can imagine the lingerie industry is incredibly immersive. Keeping up-to date on the latest trends, colours and fabrics. Differentiating between laser cut finishes and machine guillotined edges is in fact very technical. Often, you look at lingerie very differently and of course you look at the people wearing it in a different way.

I take this industry very seriously and I am curious to know as much as possible about it. That is why on seeing a certain lady in a sheer blouse in the lounge at Gatwick Airport I slowly approached. My curiosity was “peaked” and I quietly questioned whether she was in fact wearing this seasons ‘Icone Range from Chantelle in Tropical Blue’. I further enquired whether she was wearing the matching shorty or brazilian brief and how they “felt”?

It was immediately obvious that the lady in question didn’t share my interest in discussing her under garments. Of course, in hindsight, it may not have been the most sensible display of social interaction and I can understand how someone outside the industry could take offence. However, in my defence someone working in the Technology industry would think nothing of asking whether a stranger was using the IPad 1 or 2 or how it performed surfing the internet over WiFi for example if in a similar situation.

And that, your Honour, is my defence!

Stewart Reeder

Posted in ECommerce | 2 Comments

The Gift of Lingerie… Not Another Greek Tragedy

Oedipus, as you may be aware is the mythical King of Thebes. Famous for killing his father so that he could marry his mother. Sigmund Freud further immortalised the mythical character in one of his famous psychoanalytical theories. The reason I bring this up is because of a conversation I recently had with a friend of mine. He kindly reminded  me that Mothers Day is on March 18th. This person also asked for suggestions as to what he should purchase as a gift for this special day. Needless to say he was appalled at my suggestion that he purchase Lingerie.

I didn’t understand the confused look on his face at first, as I had assumed he was talking about his 34 year old wife and the mother of his two very young children. It transpired that he was indeed talking about his 71 year old mother. I quickly composed myself explaining that i didnt have an Oedipus complex and conceded that lingerie was inappropriate in this circumstance. I then suggested that he might play it safe with flowers, chocolates or a trip to the theatre.

However, he also conceded that he had never considered lingerie for Mothers Day for his wife. In fact, on reflection, it transpired that he almost always bought presents similar to those that he purchased for his own mother. This allowed me to cheekily ask “now, who has the Oedipus complex?”.

It seems many of us are intent on turning Mothers Day into another Greek tragedy. I think its unlikely the mother of your kids likes to be compared to your own mother. Therefore, I urge all you gentlemen to buy her something special to celebrate Mothers Day on March 18th. After all, she may be a mother but she’s not YOUR mother.

Stewart Reeder

Posted in ECommerce | Leave a comment

The Results Are In… Men Need Help!

The UK retailer Debenhams compiled a report following the Christmas spending splurge. The results will not be music to our ears but will explain why our significant others never wear the lingerie we buy.

The report identifies that over 90% of men buying the gift of lingerie for their partners aim for something saucy, lacy and a little bit racy. However, 85% of women say they would prefer something stylish, sophisticated, but still sexy to unwrap. The disconnect causes two thirds of women to state that their partners get it completely wrong when it comes to buying them lingerie.

The styles that men tended to select include items such as basques, corsets, suspenders and push-up bras, teamed with thongs or bikini briefs. They also opted for fussier styles of lingerie incorporating mesh, zip and bow fastenings and stockings and suspenders. Women showed a preference for styles such as balconette, plunge, long-line and discreetly padded bras and liked to pair these with French or midi-style briefs. 

In terms of colour, men chose traditional vampy red styles and variants of this in hot purple and electric blue. Women opted for pretty, feminine neutral shades and stylish items in black. 

The lesson gents, is that unless we like spending money on lingerie that will remain decorating the inside of a drawer. We need to open our eyes and admit we need help. After all, she isn’t the only one that gets to enjoy lingerie when we get it right.

 

Stewart Reeder

Posted in ECommerce | Leave a comment